fantasy novel test
Apr. 5th, 2006 11:12 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stormsewerI subjected my novel to a little test.
1. Does nothing happen in the first fifty pages? no. i mean, yes. i mean, things happen, yeah. i think.
2. Is your main character a young farmhand with mysterious parentage? sigh. basically, yeah.
3. Is your main character the heir to the throne but doesn't know it? no. but his wife once was.
4. Is your story about a young character who comes of age, gains great power, and defeats the supreme badguy? hell no. my story is about what happens after all that.
5. Is your story about a quest for a magical artifact that will save the world? no!
6. How about one that will destroy it? no
7. Does your story revolve around an ancient prophecy about "The One" who will save the world and everybody and all the forces of good? there are intimations of something like that, but it doesn’t revolve around that concept, no
8. Does your novel contain a character whose sole purpose is to show up at random plot points and dispense information? hello, maechen in FFX(2). there’s one who tends to do that at the beginning. i call him basil exposition.
9. Does your novel contain a character that is really a god in disguise? no.
10. Is the evil supreme badguy secretly the father of your main character? no…
11. Is the king of your world a kindly king duped by an evil magician? not exactly
12. Does "a forgetful wizard" describe any of the characters in your novel? no
13. How about "a powerful but slow and kind-hearted warrior"? kind of. few, including himself, would consider him slow, mentally or physically. but he does have trouble reading the writing on the wall sometimes.
14. How about "a wise, mystical sage who refuses to give away plot details for his own personal, mysterious reasons"? oh, i definitely got one of those!
15. Do the female characters in your novel spend a lot of time worrying about how they look, especially when the male main character is around? certainly not!
16. Do any of your female characters exist solely to be captured and rescued? kind of. ‘cept by the end no one’s really been rescued.
17. Do any of your female characters exist solely to embody feminist ideals? not “solely,” no.
18. Would "a clumsy cooking wench more comfortable with a frying pan than a sword" aptly describe any of your female characters? no
19. Would "a fearless warrioress more comfortable with a sword than a frying pan" aptly describe any of your female characters? no
20. Is any character in your novel best described as "a dour dwarf"? no
21. How about "a half-elf torn between his human and elven heritage"? no
22. Did you make the elves and the dwarves great friends, just to be different? i don’t have dwarves OR elves, dammit!
23. Does everybody under four feet tall exist solely for comic relief? no
24. Do you think that the only two uses for ships are fishing and piracy? no
25. Do you not know when the hay baler was invented? no, and it’s irrelevant
26. Did you draw a map for your novel which includes places named things like "The Blasted Lands" or "The Forest of Fear" or "The Desert of Desolation" or absolutely anything "of Doom"? all of it takes place within a single city, and 80% within a palace-type structure. so, no map.
27. Does your novel contain a prologue that is impossible to understand until you've read the entire book, if even then? i’m gonna say… no. there are a couple lines in the prologue that are like that, but mostly it’s just setting a background.
28. Is this the first book in a planned trilogy? my book needs a sequel no more than The Matrix does. which is to say, it doesn’t.
29. How about a quintet or a decalogue? hell no!
30. Is your novel thicker than a New York City phone book? ha. no.
31. Did absolutely nothing happen in the previous book you wrote, yet you figure you're still many sequels away from finishing your "story"? ha ha. no. ORSON SCOTT CARD
32. Are you writing prequels to your as-yet-unfinished series of books? if i were to write a prequel to this book, i would have to say yes to a lot more of these questions.
33. Is your name Robert Jordan and you lied like a dog to get this far? HA HA HA HA. no.
34. Is your novel based on the adventures of your role-playing group? no.
35. Does your novel contain characters transported from the real world to a fantasy realm? no.
36. Do any of your main characters have apostrophes or dashes in their names? no. i was careful to avoid that.
37. Do any of your main characters have names longer than three syllables? ditto.
38. Do you see nothing wrong with having two characters from the same small isolated village being named "Tim Umber" and "Belthusalanthalus al'Grinsok"? no. i mean, yes i see a problem with that.
39. Does your novel contain orcs, elves, dwarves, or halflings? not a one.
40. How about "orken" or "dwerrows"? no
41. Do you have a race prefixed by "half-"? no races, dude
42. At any point in your novel, do the main characters take a shortcut through ancient dwarven mines? nope
43. Do you write your battle scenes by playing them out in your favorite RPG? no, but i may imagine action sequences from my favorite martial arts films
44. Have you done up game statistics for all of your main characters in your favorite RPG? well, i did take this quiz on their behalf (after writing the book)
45. Are you writing a work-for-hire for Wizards of the Coast? that is HILARIOUS. no.
46. Do inns in your book exist solely so your main characters can have brawls? no inns. but that’s a good idea!
47. Do you think you know how feudalism worked but really don't? i’m going to say… i don’t think i know how feudalism worked.
48. Do your characters spend an inordinate amount of time journeying from place to place? no. but this would apply to one of the best fantasy series ever, the book of the new sun, by gene wolfe. and i would like to write a travel story sometime.
49. Could one of your main characters tell the other characters something that would really help them in their quest but refuses to do so just so it won't break the plot? umm… maybe?
50. Do any of the magic users in your novel cast spells easily identifiable as "fireball" or "lightning bolt"? no.
51. Do you ever use the term "mana" in your novel? no!
52. Do you ever use the term "plate mail" in your novel? no
53. Heaven help you, do you ever use the term "hit points" in your novel? god no.
54. Do you not realize how much gold actually weighs? maybe Joseph Smith should have taken this quiz…
55. Do you think horses can gallop all day long without rest? no.
56. Does anybody in your novel fight for two hours straight in full plate armor, then ride a horse for four hours, then delicately make love to a willing barmaid all in the same day? no. sounds like fun, though.
57. Does your main character have a magic axe, hammer, spear, or other weapon that returns to him when he throws it? no.
58. Does anybody in your novel ever stab anybody with a scimitar? kind of. i had something more like a katana in mind, though. and i AM aware that they are designed for cutting, not stabbing
59. Does anybody in your novel stab anybody straight through plate armor? no
60. Do you think swords weigh ten pounds or more? [info] i researched samurai swords, how they’re made and how they’re used. i know what’s up, dude.
61. Does your hero fall in love with an unattainable woman, whom he later attains? nope. but that would probably happen if i wrote a prequel.
62. Does a large portion of the humor in your novel consist of puns? no. but i don’t necessarily have a problem with that, if it’s well done.
63. Is your hero able to withstand multiple blows from the fantasy equivalent of a ten pound sledge but is still threatened by a small woman with a dagger? no.
64. Do you really think it frequently takes more than one arrow in the chest to kill a man? a la Boromir? no, but i think in certain situations a person can keep going for a surprisingly long time before they actually die
65. Do you not realize it takes hours to make a good stew, making it a poor choice for an "on the road" meal? i’ve made stew, man. and who says that “on the road” stew would be “good” stew?
66. Do you have nomadic barbarians living on the tundra and consuming barrels and barrels of mead? there’s probably something like that in the book’s world somewhere, but they don’t show up in the book
67. Do you think that "mead" is just a fancy name for "beer"? no?
68. Does your story involve a number of different races, each of which has exactly one country, one ruler, and one religion? no
69. Is the best organized and most numerous group of people in your world the thieves' guild? ha. no. i do like frederick pohl, though.
70. Does your main villain punish insignificant mistakes with death? actually, it’s kind of my hero who does that
71. Is your story about a crack team of warriors that take along a bard who is useless in a fight, though he plays a mean lute? no
72. Is "common" the official language of your world? no
73. Is the countryside in your novel littered with tombs and gravesites filled with ancient magical loot that nobody thought to steal centuries before? no
74. Is your book basically a rip-off of The Lord of the Rings? no
75. Read that question again and answer truthfully. hell no. if anything it's a rip off of lovecraft. steal from the best, baby.
1. Does nothing happen in the first fifty pages? no. i mean, yes. i mean, things happen, yeah. i think.
2. Is your main character a young farmhand with mysterious parentage? sigh. basically, yeah.
3. Is your main character the heir to the throne but doesn't know it? no. but his wife once was.
4. Is your story about a young character who comes of age, gains great power, and defeats the supreme badguy? hell no. my story is about what happens after all that.
5. Is your story about a quest for a magical artifact that will save the world? no!
6. How about one that will destroy it? no
7. Does your story revolve around an ancient prophecy about "The One" who will save the world and everybody and all the forces of good? there are intimations of something like that, but it doesn’t revolve around that concept, no
8. Does your novel contain a character whose sole purpose is to show up at random plot points and dispense information? hello, maechen in FFX(2). there’s one who tends to do that at the beginning. i call him basil exposition.
9. Does your novel contain a character that is really a god in disguise? no.
10. Is the evil supreme badguy secretly the father of your main character? no…
11. Is the king of your world a kindly king duped by an evil magician? not exactly
12. Does "a forgetful wizard" describe any of the characters in your novel? no
13. How about "a powerful but slow and kind-hearted warrior"? kind of. few, including himself, would consider him slow, mentally or physically. but he does have trouble reading the writing on the wall sometimes.
14. How about "a wise, mystical sage who refuses to give away plot details for his own personal, mysterious reasons"? oh, i definitely got one of those!
15. Do the female characters in your novel spend a lot of time worrying about how they look, especially when the male main character is around? certainly not!
16. Do any of your female characters exist solely to be captured and rescued? kind of. ‘cept by the end no one’s really been rescued.
17. Do any of your female characters exist solely to embody feminist ideals? not “solely,” no.
18. Would "a clumsy cooking wench more comfortable with a frying pan than a sword" aptly describe any of your female characters? no
19. Would "a fearless warrioress more comfortable with a sword than a frying pan" aptly describe any of your female characters? no
20. Is any character in your novel best described as "a dour dwarf"? no
21. How about "a half-elf torn between his human and elven heritage"? no
22. Did you make the elves and the dwarves great friends, just to be different? i don’t have dwarves OR elves, dammit!
23. Does everybody under four feet tall exist solely for comic relief? no
24. Do you think that the only two uses for ships are fishing and piracy? no
25. Do you not know when the hay baler was invented? no, and it’s irrelevant
26. Did you draw a map for your novel which includes places named things like "The Blasted Lands" or "The Forest of Fear" or "The Desert of Desolation" or absolutely anything "of Doom"? all of it takes place within a single city, and 80% within a palace-type structure. so, no map.
27. Does your novel contain a prologue that is impossible to understand until you've read the entire book, if even then? i’m gonna say… no. there are a couple lines in the prologue that are like that, but mostly it’s just setting a background.
28. Is this the first book in a planned trilogy? my book needs a sequel no more than The Matrix does. which is to say, it doesn’t.
29. How about a quintet or a decalogue? hell no!
30. Is your novel thicker than a New York City phone book? ha. no.
31. Did absolutely nothing happen in the previous book you wrote, yet you figure you're still many sequels away from finishing your "story"? ha ha. no. ORSON SCOTT CARD
32. Are you writing prequels to your as-yet-unfinished series of books? if i were to write a prequel to this book, i would have to say yes to a lot more of these questions.
33. Is your name Robert Jordan and you lied like a dog to get this far? HA HA HA HA. no.
34. Is your novel based on the adventures of your role-playing group? no.
35. Does your novel contain characters transported from the real world to a fantasy realm? no.
36. Do any of your main characters have apostrophes or dashes in their names? no. i was careful to avoid that.
37. Do any of your main characters have names longer than three syllables? ditto.
38. Do you see nothing wrong with having two characters from the same small isolated village being named "Tim Umber" and "Belthusalanthalus al'Grinsok"? no. i mean, yes i see a problem with that.
39. Does your novel contain orcs, elves, dwarves, or halflings? not a one.
40. How about "orken" or "dwerrows"? no
41. Do you have a race prefixed by "half-"? no races, dude
42. At any point in your novel, do the main characters take a shortcut through ancient dwarven mines? nope
43. Do you write your battle scenes by playing them out in your favorite RPG? no, but i may imagine action sequences from my favorite martial arts films
44. Have you done up game statistics for all of your main characters in your favorite RPG? well, i did take this quiz on their behalf (after writing the book)
45. Are you writing a work-for-hire for Wizards of the Coast? that is HILARIOUS. no.
46. Do inns in your book exist solely so your main characters can have brawls? no inns. but that’s a good idea!
47. Do you think you know how feudalism worked but really don't? i’m going to say… i don’t think i know how feudalism worked.
48. Do your characters spend an inordinate amount of time journeying from place to place? no. but this would apply to one of the best fantasy series ever, the book of the new sun, by gene wolfe. and i would like to write a travel story sometime.
49. Could one of your main characters tell the other characters something that would really help them in their quest but refuses to do so just so it won't break the plot? umm… maybe?
50. Do any of the magic users in your novel cast spells easily identifiable as "fireball" or "lightning bolt"? no.
51. Do you ever use the term "mana" in your novel? no!
52. Do you ever use the term "plate mail" in your novel? no
53. Heaven help you, do you ever use the term "hit points" in your novel? god no.
54. Do you not realize how much gold actually weighs? maybe Joseph Smith should have taken this quiz…
55. Do you think horses can gallop all day long without rest? no.
56. Does anybody in your novel fight for two hours straight in full plate armor, then ride a horse for four hours, then delicately make love to a willing barmaid all in the same day? no. sounds like fun, though.
57. Does your main character have a magic axe, hammer, spear, or other weapon that returns to him when he throws it? no.
58. Does anybody in your novel ever stab anybody with a scimitar? kind of. i had something more like a katana in mind, though. and i AM aware that they are designed for cutting, not stabbing
59. Does anybody in your novel stab anybody straight through plate armor? no
60. Do you think swords weigh ten pounds or more? [info] i researched samurai swords, how they’re made and how they’re used. i know what’s up, dude.
61. Does your hero fall in love with an unattainable woman, whom he later attains? nope. but that would probably happen if i wrote a prequel.
62. Does a large portion of the humor in your novel consist of puns? no. but i don’t necessarily have a problem with that, if it’s well done.
63. Is your hero able to withstand multiple blows from the fantasy equivalent of a ten pound sledge but is still threatened by a small woman with a dagger? no.
64. Do you really think it frequently takes more than one arrow in the chest to kill a man? a la Boromir? no, but i think in certain situations a person can keep going for a surprisingly long time before they actually die
65. Do you not realize it takes hours to make a good stew, making it a poor choice for an "on the road" meal? i’ve made stew, man. and who says that “on the road” stew would be “good” stew?
66. Do you have nomadic barbarians living on the tundra and consuming barrels and barrels of mead? there’s probably something like that in the book’s world somewhere, but they don’t show up in the book
67. Do you think that "mead" is just a fancy name for "beer"? no?
68. Does your story involve a number of different races, each of which has exactly one country, one ruler, and one religion? no
69. Is the best organized and most numerous group of people in your world the thieves' guild? ha. no. i do like frederick pohl, though.
70. Does your main villain punish insignificant mistakes with death? actually, it’s kind of my hero who does that
71. Is your story about a crack team of warriors that take along a bard who is useless in a fight, though he plays a mean lute? no
72. Is "common" the official language of your world? no
73. Is the countryside in your novel littered with tombs and gravesites filled with ancient magical loot that nobody thought to steal centuries before? no
74. Is your book basically a rip-off of The Lord of the Rings? no
75. Read that question again and answer truthfully. hell no. if anything it's a rip off of lovecraft. steal from the best, baby.
